This is the third time I have started a new post today and I will say now it is the last I WILL PUBLISH THIS.
Hello hi it's been a while hasn't it? Soz. University life is busy.
I have an essay and a presentation due in in four days and my way of dealing with the stress is to repress it . I wont lie to you, I am procrastinating right now but at least I'm doing something semi-productive rather that marathon-ing Once Upon a Time on Netflix...I watched three episodes this morning. I am ashamed. ish.
I keep saying in blog posts "sorry this isnt great I have no kewl ideas" and that's stopping right now. I've had a few ideas and I've written them out but when it came down to it I just haven't posted them. I've lost confidence in this. I have been caught in a deep rut for a long time but I think I put myself there?
I did one of those "letter to my younger self" but once it was done I decided that no one would care and left it in my drafts never to be seen again. Then the #DearMe movement happened and I STILL DIDN'T POST IT.
I've had 4 or 5 half-finished posts saved as drafts for weeks because of this self-diagnosed writer's block but now I've cleared those posts. I'm not going to allow myself to keep getting myself down like this. If I post this and no-one reads it, who cares? I mean I will a little bit probably but at least I tried.
Self-doubt is something I've struggled with for a very long time and it's not something you can expect to disappear overnight; I have to be proactive about it. I have to defeat it myself. I've been watching too much fantasy TV, listen to me talking about defeating an inner demon - so OUAT. Of course if this was OUAT it would come out of my mouth in a black smoke and I'd have to have at it with a sword.
I need to stop watching that show so much...Moving on!
I have exactly two months left of my first year and it's only going to get more busy and work-heavy but I truly am enjoying every second of it. Even PE. ME! Enjoying PE! Take that every PE teacher I ever had who made a joke of my sports abilities ha HA.
I'm a happy little bunny right now and even deleting those draft posts made me feel a ton better.
As I write this, I have the Lion King soundtrack playing and Hakuna Matata just came on. What a fitting end to this post. It means no worries for the rest of your days. I'm not going to let this worry me anymore; I'm not going to be scared to share what's inside my brain with anyone who actually takes the time to read this.
In the words of Chad Dylan Cooper: Peace out, suckers.
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